What is EFT Tapping?

Tapping is a combination of psychology and acupressure. It stems from something called TFT, which was discovered by a psychologist who was also trained in acupressure. The psychologist’s name was Roger Callahan. Roger had been working with phobias for years and years, and he was working with this one particular client he had for ten or fifteen years. Her name was Mary, and she had a fear of water. Back then, the way to deal with psychological issues was to expose the person to whatever they had a phobia of enough times over and over again, to – hopefully – break them from their phobia. Doctor Callahan was doing that with Mary, and he was having her – this was back in the days when psychologists used to work out of their houses – so he had her at his house, getting ready to get in the shower, and he was also trained in acupressure, like I said, so he thought that to just sort of calm her anxiety, he would do some acupressure on her while she was getting into the shower. He did that, and all of a sudden, within like a minute or a minute and a half, she’s under the shower, she’s throwing water all around, she runs out of his house -and apparently they had a pool in the backyard – and she dives into the pool, and says, “Oh my gosh, my fear of water, it’s gone, it’s gone!

He just… he couldn’t believe it – this client of his had been a patient for over ten years, and she’d never had results like this. He realized that it must have been the combination of the psychology with the acupressure, and so he started to play around with it. He ended up coming up with a really complicated method to combine acupressure and cognitive psychology, and then started teaching it to people.

Then, somebody by the name of Gary Craig came along and learned this technique. He was an engineer by trade, so he found a way to simplify it and to still get the same results – but to simplify it so that it could be taught to the patients and they could do it on themselves, so he’s really responsible for bringing tapping to the point where it’s at right now… which is hundreds of thousands of people knowing about it. We hope that that number increases even more in the coming years, but anyhow, that’s just a little overview of tapping and of EFT. If you want to learn more about it there are great articles on the http://EFTUniverse.com website with lots and lots of research. Dawson Church, is responsible for getting the clinically evidential stamp on EFT, and you can read all sorts of research papers and lots of great stories on his website. If you just do a Google search for EFT, lots of other people have lots of great resources as well.

If you would like to book a private session to use tapping for any issue that is troublesome to you, connect with me now!

Ten Tips for using EFT

 

Ten Tips for using EFT

 

Basic EFT works so well, and here are 10 simple tips to incorporate.  Ways to help keep us in touch with our tapping:

1. Use opposite hand tapping, use the non-dominant hand sometimes.  Also cross over with one hand to the opposite side of the body to tap.  It helps to change the energy and gives us variety. 

2. Argument tapping with yourself. Do the usual setup phrase like “I’m afraid of success, and I deeply accept myself”. Then on the points argue with yourself – “Yes I am”, “No I’m not”, “don’t be silly”. etc.  As we stir the soup of the energy that is a good thing. “I’m not good  enough”, “Yes I am”, etc.

3. Refusal tapping – Many people say they want to change, but they are afraid of change, or they feel they have been controlled their whole lives, and they really don’t want to change. This works well in groups where people say they want to loose weight, stop smoking, etc., but still want to hang on to it. “Even though I am afraid to stand out with my success, I till deeply accept myself”, then do “I refuse to stand out”, “I refuse to shine”, “I refuse to be successful”, “I am not going to be successful and you can’t make me”, “I’m not going to try it”. Really stirs up the energy and breakthroughs often come after this.

4. Looking in the mirror – See yourself doing the tapping. Then when you are in public and don’t want to do the physical tapping, but need the help, you have the memory of how you look and the points, and can do it in your mind. When in private and looking in the mirror you can see those subtle facial expressions as you are changing and can see results on your face.

5. Singing Affirmations (while tapping) Making a change and different commitment of energy while tapping. We are attached to the music in our brains. Its just something we can do to access a little different part of our brain while tapping. (Similar to the 9-gamet method where we sing happy birthday as a part of it.)

6. Thank You Tapping – Saying Thank You to the Universe as if you have already received it. ex. “Even though I don’t have what I want, I accept myself anyway” 3x , then on tapping points: “Thank you Universe for bringing me the perfect solution to having _____”. “Thank you Universe for bringing me the perfect clients that I didn’t even know were out there”. Great for relationships, creativity, anxiety, abundance, pain etc. etc. Good to do a couple of regular rounds, then follow with the Thank you Universe for bringing me….. round.

7. Guest Tapping – Invite a guest into your mind’s eye, and have them tap along with you, i.e. Gary Craig, Carol Look, etc. whomever you respect in the industry have them lead your session, tap together. It allows the mind to be more creative.

8. Photo Tapping – Can pick photos from when you are young and maybe unhappy, photos from specific events that were negative for you, photos of people that were negative for you. Imaging yourself tapping on that person in the photo. We can even tap on the energy of what is going on in that scene.

9. Past Tense Tapping – “Even though I have this problem with speaking in public, I deeply accept myself” 3x, on points “I used to have this problem of public speaking, “I’m so glad the problem is in the past now”, “I used to have it”, “I’m so relieved its past now” “I’m so happy I got over it with EFT”. If we get a very strong resistance to this verbiage, then we need to go back and do the basic tapping on the problem to bring it down.

10. “You” Tapping – Pretend you are talking to yourself, but in the second person. “Even though you have a fear of flying John, I deeply and completely accept myself.  Even though you do not like to get on airplanes John, you are ok and I appreciate you” then rounds “you’ve had this problem around flying for a long time, you have all this fear when you know you are going to have to fly, you have the fear of turbulence and noise,…. its a way of you talking to you in a very soothing manner. So include “I”, “You”, and “He or She” for your own person.

Play with these and see which ones speak to you and incorporate the ones that help into your tapping times. Remember to tap daily to get the most benefit from your energy work!

Tapping your solutions,

Carol

WHAT IS IT THAT INSPIRES YOU ABOUT YOUR LIFE? – great blog by Jenny Johnston

“Too often we are surrounded by people who complain about their life or their work or their circumstances and then we get caught up in all their negativity and energy. It’s true that what ever you focus on you get! That’s the Law of Attraction! When you focus on what you don’t want or don’t have, then you’ll also get that!
The answer is to spend time often, daily with as much emotion and excitement as possible on what you LOVE about your life! What INSPIRES you about your life! Who else inspires you in life. Be around those sort of people and read inspiring, uplifting books! Surround yourself and focus your thoughts with exciting, inspiring input! Feel what it is like to have what you want as if you already have it (as opposed to feeling like it’s a lack in your life and you yearn for it). Feel the excitement of already having it! Remember when you were a child on Christmas Eve or the day before your birthday – feel that knowing and excitement that tomorrow will be the day that you expect wonderful things and feel the excitement of that expectation and knowing of having them.
YOU are the CREATOR of your life! How ever your life is right now, YOU have created it with your thoughts and your energy vibrations that you send out. Like attracts like! If you are miserable in your job – don’t complain about it and feel depressed. Start to focus on what really excites you – your passion! Feel what it feels like as if you already have it, to be in the perfect job for you, where you get to enjoy yourself and experess your passion. You don’t need to know the how of it all- just experience what it feels like as if you already have it. Get excited about it and keep sending that vibration and thought/feeling out. And guess what? What you are sending out, the Universe will align with and MAGIC will happen!
Synchronicities occur and you realise your power to create and manifest wonderful things for yourself.
TRY IT and let me know how you go!” – www.jennyjohnston.com.au

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If you are wanting private sessions to jump start your positive life, connect with me.

Weight Loss – How to Change with EFT

 It has been my experience that a great number of people are experts on what I need to change about myself, but very few are knowledgable on how to do it.

I have been given advice such as: “Just stop it”, “Get over it”, “Change” or “Eat less”. I have personally found this to be some of the most frustrating advice that there is. If I could do that then I wouldn’t need you to tell me.

Real change is a process. It can require weeks, or months, or even years to affect real change. Or at least it used to. A few years ago I started studying a technique that could bring about real change in minutes. Some of the changes I brought about in myself seem to be permanent, others I have to continue to repeat the technique in order to achieve the change in me again. Then I learned that changes that were temporary in me, seem to be permanent in others and vice versa.

This technique is not a cure all. It will not do what it cannot. Using it will not necessarily change your need for proper medical and or mental treatment. But it can help or augment what they are doing. Common sense needs to be involved in using this technique. Most of the time it is wise to use this technique “In conjunction with” and rarely “In place of”.

If you have anger issues or painful memories this technique can lessen or remove the emotional charge from those memories. 

If you have fears and phobias this technique can reduce of even eliminate these fears. It does wonders for those with a fear of public speaking.

If you have physical pains this technique may be able to reduce your pain and in some cases eliminate it.

If you have cravings, this technique can eliminate your cravings. Cravings I have eliminated in myself or seen in others have been for: Cigarettes (and various other addictive substances), candy, sodas, Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, french fries, chocolate, cookies, bread, fruit (whether you are counting calories or carbs fruit can really mess you up), pasta, pizza, brownies, chapstick, and then desires to just spend money or to get something new.

This technique will not relieve you of the need for a licensed therapist or a doctor’s care, but it can help things move much more quickly.

This technique is one of the most powerful tools available, but you have to learn it and then you have to continue to use it.

Lets connect and get you going where you really want to be.  What would your life be like if you got rid of ( fill in the blank here)?  How much better would you feel when ( fill in the blank here)?   Do you see the potential?

When the yips afflict athletes, they call Greg Warburton for help – repost

July 29, 2012 7:30 am  •  By KEVIN HAMPTON, Corvallis Gazette-Times

Each pitch was an adventure for Konner Wade.

The strike zone was becoming more and more elusive.

Wade, a sophomore pitcher for University of Arizona in the spring, was losing control of his pitches and his thought process.

Just trying to push the problem out of mind wasn’t working.

Looking for a solution, Wade began talking to Corvallis sports psychologist Greg Warburton.

“I had some trouble throwing strikes early,” Wade, currently throwing for the Wareham Gatemen of the Cape Cod League, said.

“I got a recommendation from one of the coaches to give Greg a call. He gave me some exercises to do to clear my mind and throw strikes.”

Warburton practices energy psychology and teaches EFT (emotional freedom techniques) which include tapping the energy points in the accupuncture system.

“I just taught him how to physically tap while he’s tuned into, ‘I’m worried I can’t control pitches’ or doubting himself or mad at himself,” Warburton said.

Wade used the tapping method on occasion and other exercises, such as crossing legs to one side and then the other, regularly.

The improvement was gradual.

Wade’s walks piled up. So did hit batters.

His earned run average ballooned in May.

Then he started finding the zone.

Wade finished the season at 11-3, whittled his ERA down to 3.96 and led the Wildcats to the national title.

Wade went 4-0 in the postseason and tossed two consecutive complete games in the College World Series, a five-hit shutout of UCLA and a 5-1 win over South Carolina in the first game of the championship series.

He credited his faith first for the turnaround, but acknowleged Warburton’s exercises.

“I think it just frees your mind,” Wade said. “When you’re thinking about a lot of stuff on the mound it doesn’t help.

“I didn’t think about everything that was going on, I was just focused on the pitches I needed to make at that moment.”

In addition to Wade and the Arizona baseball team, Warburton worked with players on the University of Alabama softball team that won the national title this spring.

Alabama coach Pat Murphy gave Warburton a testimonial quote for his web site:

“Greg is one of the most professional people we have worked with in my 16 years at Alabama. He is great at what he does and gets results in a hurry. Greg teaches practical methods to help athletes become self-reliant with clearing emotional upset out of their system. He also takes some pressure off the coaches: we no longer have to struggle with just the right thing to say or do. He is top-notch at his work!”

Oregon State fans might have noticed former pitcher Jorge Reyes tapping before a performance.

Warburton worked with players on both title teams from OSU and at Texas Tech when pitching coach Dan Spencer went to Lubbock.

OSU wrestler Chad Hanke also met with Warburton and recently wrestled in the Olympic trials.

Warburton said players like Wade struggle because negative thoughts such as they can’t throw strikes not only stays in their brain but affects the body as well.

“Their brain runs their body and their body has been messed up physically because of the thinking that’s going on of, ‘I can’t control my throws,’ ” he said.

“When you can’t do anything like you want to, then it just builds on itself.”

He found that the usual ways athletes were taught to overcome those mental glitches just didn’t work well.

“Traditional methods like changing the technique or tweaking the technique or just trying to out-think it, put it out of your mind, forget it, all those traditional methods are, I would say, incomplete or inconsistent,” he said.

Warburton has been teaching the method since 2000 and using it in his counseling of youth as well as athletes.

“I found it useful for clearing out the excess emotional energy in the mind and body,” he said.

“The difference between this and accupuncture is you’re teaching young athletes to tune their mind into what’s happening.”

Warburton is aware that some people might view EFT as well, a bit strange.

Although the energy technology field is about 30 years old, it is still in the process of acceptance.

“It’s still far from mainstream, however, there’s a huge anecdotal body of evidence that supports its effectiveness,” Warburton said.

Warburton encourages everyone to give it a chance.

“The reaction from young people and adults is that it’s pretty unusual. It doesn’t make sense that you can tap on your body and be a better athlete,” he said

“So I never argue with anyone that thinks it’s unusual and I invite them to try it and see what happens.”

Local high school coaches such as Casey Fries and Eric Dazey have also used the techniques.

Dazey, the Corvallis High baseball coach, noticed a flier advertising a Warburton speaking engagement at the Timberhill Athletic Club.

Curious, Dazey showed up and then introduced himself to Warburton after the event.

They’ve met on occasion since then to talk about sports psychology.

Dazey introduced the Spartans to tapping and some of the other exercises the last two seasons.

“We’ve introduced tapping so that the kids would be aware of it as a tool because it is an emerging technique that you will see at the highest level of sport,” Dazey said.

“We will continue to expose the kids to that as one of the tools in the package with which they could manage their mental game.”

Warburton uses the techniques himself.

He was a multi-sport athlete in high school, playing football, basketball and baseball before attending Boise State, where he played one season of baseball.

Warburton graduated from BSU in 1974 and kept active by running.

That changed in the summer of 1979. Warburton was riding his motorcycle near Sun Valley when a vehicle turned into his path. He put the bike into a skid.

The result was a traumatic amputation of his leg below the knee.

He volunteered at a boys town during his convalescence.

“It changed my direction,” Warburton said.

Warburton began working with young people as a counselor.

He graduated from Oregon State in 1984 with a counseling degree. He has taught classes at OSU and Linn-Benton Community College and worked at the Counseling Center as a therapist.

He currently works at the ABC House in Albany as an independent counselor.

“What I want to have happen is to have some awareness,” he said. “I want young people to know there are actual concrete skills that can (help them) to be better athletes and better students.”

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If this strikes your interest, lets connect.  I do phone, Skype, and face-to-face tapping sessions.   Carol

Choosing an EFT Practitioner

Finding the right EFT practitioner for you, may well be one of the most important choices you ever make. So how do you go about this?

There are many EFT practitioners available with varying degrees of experience and qualification and it can be a minefield deciding with whom to work. There are a number of factors that will contribute to making a successful choice. To begin your search it is useful to decide on a few basics at the outset:

Do you prefer working face to face or are you happy working over the phone?

(EFT is equally effective either way.)

Do you prefer to work with a man or a woman?

Does the practitioner’s cultural background matter to you?

Once you have clarified these options for yourself, and possibly refined your search, then you may want to consider the following factors:
 

Personal recommendation 

This is possibly the best reference you can have about a practitioner. Any practitioner is only as good as the results they get, no matter how many qualifications they may have!

Experience specific to your issue 

Many practitioners specialize in specific areas such as serious disease, addictions, eating disorders, sexual abuse, and so on.

Location

If you are planning on visiting your practitioner, how easy is it for you to get there?  Did you know that I offer phone and on-line Skype and Skype with video sessions?  We cal talk anywhere in the US and Canada.

Qualifications

We recommend you find an EFTUniverse.com certified practitioner.  It is a registered legal entity, and, as such, its practitioners are bound by a Code of Ethics. They are also required to carry insurance and to receive regular mentoring.

Rapport

Rapport is the most important component of any therapeutic relationship. A skilled practitioner will be able to hold a safe space for you to make the changes you are looking for. They will listen carefully, be 100%  non-judgmental and accepting, and offer guidance and support, but not advice. Their role is one of a mentor, not of a friend.

It is very important to feel both confident and comfortable with your practitioner, and as such we highly recommend your taking time to speak with them before committing yourself. Ask them questions about how they work, what experience they have with your particular issue and generally what you can expect when working with them.

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Give me a call or email to get started on the issues that are most bothersome to you. – Carol

Why go and see an EFT practitioner?

Postings from the new www.professionaleft.com website:

We are often asked why people would go to a practitioner when EFT is such an effective self-help tool. What is the need for a practitioner? Why spend the money?

This prompted us to look at where we feel our role as a therapist lies, what we see it to be. Primarily, we see our role to be one of a facilitator for healing work to take place, to hold a safe space for our clients to work in.

EFT is indeed an amazing and effective self help tool and it is possible to get extraordinary change with even the most basic knowledge and little or no understanding of the ‘science’ and thinking behind it.

However, there are times when EFT doesn’t seem to work, you just get nowhere. This is where the practitioner comes in, when you are stuck.

It is human nature not to ‘go there’ if ‘there’ is deemed too uncomfortable, either consciously or unconsciously. Some of us are masters at distraction – those times when the housework or that pile of ironing suddenly become of utmost importance and just have to be done. Anything to avoid the issues we know at some level we need to be working with/looking at.

As human beings we are well used to suppressing our negative thoughts and emotions. In the UK we talk about the British stiff upper lip – our skill at ignoring negative emotions and braving our way through life deluding ourselves, and others, that everything is OK. The most usual response to ‘How are you?’ is ‘Fine’. How often is that the truth? EFT is all about being in your truth.

But why should we acknowledge the negative stuff, as we do in the EFT set up statement? Why not push it away? The answer is that pushing it away does not work in the long term, it is a temporary measure, a band aid approach, but at some point the unconscious mind will draw our attention to it in some other way, whether through physical aches and pains, depression, anxiety or other emotional states. With EFT we have ways of carefully resolving and changing the overall symptoms – using Robert Cialdini’s table top metaphor, systematically and relatively painlessly removing the supporting legs. And we can often do this for ourselves – but getting started can seem overwhelming.

But at some point the unconscious defences leak – something happens and we are forced to confront our reality. This is where the therapist comes in – to create a strategy for the client, a path for them to take, to clarify and simplify their work and to support and guide them with it as necessary.

We see the role of the therapist as being able to hold a safe space for the client to explore areas that their unconscious mind will just not allow them to access on their own.

 

Clients with histories of severe trauma

In our practises we see a lot of clients with histories of severe trauma. Often they may have buried these traumatic memories for years. They know things happened, but they are out of their current thought field. Then something happens that triggers the memory and flings it back into their current life in glorious Technicolor, sometimes through flashbacks, addictive behaviours or symptoms such as anxiety or depression. They are forced to acknowledge it. This ‘something’ can often be unnoticeable, outside our conscious awareness, perhaps a look on someone’s face, a voice tone, a feeling. This can be devastating – suggesting they tap on it on their own is, in our view, inadvisable at least, and even in some cases possibly dangerous. These people need to be held safely as they clear all the many aspects that may present. This can also take time and is unlikely to be a ‘one minute wonder’.

We are often asked about one minute wonders and our response is that those are often the clients who never get to the therapist’s door, those who give EFT a go for themselves and get the results – fantastic – that is the essence of EFT. The more complex cases that tend to seek out the EFT Founding Masters are unlikely to be that straightforward, although they do happen.

The role of the practitioner is to be there when the home tapping comes up against a block, to be the detective, use language skills to creatively assist the client to unearth their core issues and beliefs – to question them in ways they wouldn’t think of doing for themselves. The creative language and questioning skills of an experienced practitioner are invaluable in allowing the process to flow smoothly. The marriage of EFT and NLP is an especially powerful and effective union.

Our role is also to keep the client focussed – to be a kind but firm guide to their process – to gently help the Masters of Distraction focus and resolve their issues in a supportive and comfortable environment – to keep them not just on track, but moving forwards.

That is how we see our role, supporting people as they move along their track, being a clear channel for the work to happen – being aware when they head off track and pulling them gently back, looking for those patterns, helping them examine them and gain new insights and perspectives.

EFT seems to be a fast track to cognitive shifts and insights, much of which happens in our work on our own. Acknowledging these changes to ourselves can be difficult. Often we wont notice them ourselves and it will take our family, friends or colleagues to point them out. A skilled practitioner will be able to bring these shifts into conscious awareness as they happen.

Self-sabotage and getting in our own way can make it seem like EFT doesn’t work. Psychological Reversal comes and goes, and again the more advanced language patterns and creativity of the EFT practitioner can be invaluable in bypassing these unconscious defences.

 

Reframing

Another role of the practitioner is reframing – offering the client a different perspective on their issue, again through creative use of language. This can be the pivotal point at which the entire issue collapses, but is very much dependent on skill and timing. Even the most proficient reframer can experience difficulties getting the reframe to ‘land’ when working on themselves. Pyschological Reversal may keep them resistant to accepting their own words and ill timed reframes will at best throw up a load of tail enders.

In conclusion, we see the role of an EFT practitioner not as someone who ‘fixes’ the client, but as someone who is an equal part of a healing team. The work we do together resembles a dance, flowing rhythmically and smoothly. Try EFT for yourself first – you will likely achieve fantastic results. If you find yourself reaching a point where you seem to be blocked then ask for help, select the person you are most drawn to – the connection between you begins even at that point.

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If you are wanting to work with a certified EFT practitioner – email or give me a call.

Carol

Addiction issues – Blog via BeFreeWithEFT

“I’m an Addict, HELP!

It is common knowledge that the twelve step program reinforces the belief that once an addict, always an addict, and that managing the addiction through the control cycle is the best course of action.  They have their spiritual aspects, and I am definitely grateful for the awareness that they bring along with their compassionate desire for the addicts and their families, however, I also feel that it is time to move on to more effective ways of addressing addictions.

The typical response to addictive behaviors seems to be pushing the addicts into admitting they have a problem, and then getting them some sort of rehabilitation through a twelve step program or inpatient clinic.  To me, this is akin to a fireman running into a house and opening all of the windows to rid the home of the smoke; this causes the fire to rage all the more.  Instead, I choose to find the fire causing the smoke, and remove as much fuel for the fire—I have found this to be a quick and effective alternative to traditional methods.

I have spent many sessions with individuals who experience addictions that range from sex, heroin, marijuana, alcohol, and tobacco; and for the most part, we rarely speak or deal with the addiction itself, but instead search for the childhood roots of powerlessness and loneliness.  According to the Feelings Wheel  powerlessness is being in the state of anger, and loneliness is being in the state of sadness, the opposite of which is powerful and energetic.  It’s interesting that the polar opposite of loneliness is energetic, as many addictions we turn to are an attempt to feel energized, such as overeating, exercise, and some stimulant drugs.

Also, we are pre-programmed by society and our parents to distract ourselves with things outside of our experience, instead of having healthy self-care modeled for us.  When a baby cries, many parents will give their child food, a toy, or some other distractor to keep them quiet.  The belief is, if the child is crying or upset, “I’m not a good parent”, therefore get the child to stop crying at any cost.  Unfortunately, the cost is teaching the child to distract when they are uncomfortable—the seeds of addiction are planted.

Another contributor to the release and control addiction cycle is guilt, which I call the food of addiction.  Guilt keeps us from seeing the real issues in our life and tricks us into believing we are good people if we hold onto it, because we believe that guilt will keep us from lapsing.  Holding on to guilt blinds us though, that is why on the feelings wheel “awareness” is the healthy opposing feeling.  Awareness of the core issues that underlies our addictions, starves out the addiction, while feeling guilty and ashamed of our behavior keeps fueling and feeding the whole cycle.

There are three things that can be done with any addiction:

  1. Let go of the need to feel guilty for being an addict and move into awareness.
  2. Tap on your feelings of powerlessness, loneliness, or fear that you are experiencing in the moment when you decide to turn to your addiction.
  3. Once you are done with the deed and the experience is over, when any guilt starts to flow, tap again to own your feelings and move into awareness.”

 

website   freewitheft.com  Nathan Martinsen

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If you are looking for anonymous help, connect with me and we can work via phone or Skype.

Self Loathing – Rob Nelson Blog

Self Loathing
I recently had a bit of insight into the issue of self-hate.  I’m wanting to write it up as an article, or perhaps a chapter in the book I’m working on, but here’s a sneak peek:

Intense self-hate or self-loathing can be very difficult to tap away.  It’s that kryptonite core that negates the positive affirmations we use in the EFT set-up statement:  “I deeply love and completely accept myself?  No I don’t!  And you can’t make me!”

These feelings often come from pre-conscious experiences which can be hard to track down, but most often there was an ongoing climate of physical or emotional violence.  Against this traumatic background, the child’s inherant need to find her place in the family runs into big problems.  Children always blame themselves for whatever is going wrong in the family.  This is pretty much hard-wired into us.  Taking responsiblity (literally “response-ability”) for the craziness around us is a survival strategy.

Unfortunately, when the craziness gets to a certain level of intensity and randomness the child has virtually no influence on it whatsoever.  If it isn’t any specific behavior that’s wrong (and causing the parents to be terrible), then it must be the child herself that’s wrong.  The child’s intense search for that inner wrongness becomes self-loathing.  It’s an attempt to control the impossible family situation, and it can have all the intensity of a struggle for survival.  “If I can only hate myself enough, then I’ll find what’s wrong with me…then I can stop being that way and they’ll finally love me”.

Rob Nelson – www.TappingtheMatrix.com